Ever faced that someone that you love the most, hates you?
Life afterall is cruel in a way. I have said 'Live life abundantly', 'Life is beautiful', 'Declare beauty again'.... and more, but today, I feel like that I am standing at a stage where life is telling me that I am useless.
I put the blame on me. If I could, I just wanted to vanish from this world, but that would be very coward thought. You could ask me whether I have tried to change the situation. I did try, but I couldn't continue. I could never think of another girl except her. But why is this happening if this is impossible? Why this agony?
But forget about all these. Can't I just move forward? Why holding me to her?
Everything You do upon me Lord is good. That is what i am trying to believe without doubt. I know it is true but I am just an ordinary person. Release me from this pain.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Greetings 2010...
As the new year is here, I was wondering whether i would be the same person as i am now.
Since young, my life was very much complex that i hardly had a choice to choose freely. Choosing an option from anything and choosing an option from provided things are different.
When i was young, my life was full of pampering though i do get beaten by my mom. I was always the kid that was seen as the bookworm, or the smart freak in my neighbourhood and among my relatives. Secondly, since my mom's side were all Catholics, i was a figure of wanna-be-priest to them. For that purpose, i always try to watch-out my behaviour whenever i was with them. The best part was, i always get extra cash (ang-pows) compare to my sisters.
During these days, my performance as a leader is zero. I had never tried to take a lead but had been always with books and play-in-school-only activities, a simple say, very much introvert. This was how i was growing up from child to a young teenager, until somebody put a mirror in front of me.
Once when i was in Form Two going Form Three, my cousin who is much older than me, told my mom in front of me that i could obtain many more certificates and praises in academics but, i still would end up as untalented and unsuitable to perform in profession. That was my turning point in my life.
Form Three entering a new school gave me a break through from my introvert life-style. I was entering from all-boys La Sallian to a mixed-gender school for the first time. Frankly, my break through all started with some blushings. Meeting girls who are totally strangers and talking to them, was never on my mind, but there was my training base of my disturbing-girls attitude. Even till today, i have this attitude and it seems not stopping for the moment.
From introvert to extrovert. From being an audience to a person that takes the lead and perform. Making mistakes in leadership and learning to do them better and better. A lot of changes have happened in my life, and i enjoy them.
But yet, i had never changed that much. There were times that i like to not to meet people, being crazy, and taking lead. There were times that i enjoyed being lonely, doing something with full of seriousness and being led by others. Because of i could balance my extrovert and introvert attitudes, i was able to learn and teach basic theology, scripture, biology, history, being passionate about sacred music, and much more. And at the same time, behaving like a crazy person, being a risk taker and being bold to open a topic in table talk and much more.
Changes happen in our life. This year, we could be facing some new agendas in our life. Whatever they are, Live Life Abundantly.
Happy New Year, Friends.....
Since young, my life was very much complex that i hardly had a choice to choose freely. Choosing an option from anything and choosing an option from provided things are different.
When i was young, my life was full of pampering though i do get beaten by my mom. I was always the kid that was seen as the bookworm, or the smart freak in my neighbourhood and among my relatives. Secondly, since my mom's side were all Catholics, i was a figure of wanna-be-priest to them. For that purpose, i always try to watch-out my behaviour whenever i was with them. The best part was, i always get extra cash (ang-pows) compare to my sisters.
During these days, my performance as a leader is zero. I had never tried to take a lead but had been always with books and play-in-school-only activities, a simple say, very much introvert. This was how i was growing up from child to a young teenager, until somebody put a mirror in front of me.
Once when i was in Form Two going Form Three, my cousin who is much older than me, told my mom in front of me that i could obtain many more certificates and praises in academics but, i still would end up as untalented and unsuitable to perform in profession. That was my turning point in my life.
Form Three entering a new school gave me a break through from my introvert life-style. I was entering from all-boys La Sallian to a mixed-gender school for the first time. Frankly, my break through all started with some blushings. Meeting girls who are totally strangers and talking to them, was never on my mind, but there was my training base of my disturbing-girls attitude. Even till today, i have this attitude and it seems not stopping for the moment.
From introvert to extrovert. From being an audience to a person that takes the lead and perform. Making mistakes in leadership and learning to do them better and better. A lot of changes have happened in my life, and i enjoy them.
But yet, i had never changed that much. There were times that i like to not to meet people, being crazy, and taking lead. There were times that i enjoyed being lonely, doing something with full of seriousness and being led by others. Because of i could balance my extrovert and introvert attitudes, i was able to learn and teach basic theology, scripture, biology, history, being passionate about sacred music, and much more. And at the same time, behaving like a crazy person, being a risk taker and being bold to open a topic in table talk and much more.
Changes happen in our life. This year, we could be facing some new agendas in our life. Whatever they are, Live Life Abundantly.
Happy New Year, Friends.....
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Evolution
From the joker.....
To friendly pal.......
To wannabe serious guy......
alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415851550017176658" />But still a bit retarded....
To weirdo....
Aha..A bit changed......
This is my look now, baby....
Saturday, December 5, 2009
What Is The Problem, Exactly?
When you're 14yrs and have a crush on a boy who doesn't seem to quite fancy you the way you want him to, school hours can be both a pleasure and a pain.
When you're 24 and your relationship ends because he's a lot less compatible than you initially thought, your weekends are pretty lonely but you are soon distracted by plans with friends and meeting new people.
When you're over 30 and don't seem to have met a person whom you deem worthy of spending the rest of your life with, you begin to wonder if such a person really exists.
What is the problem, exactly?
There doesn't seem to be a short supply of men. If they are strictly batting for the right team, we comb through his background for any pyschopathictendencies or knife-welding ex-girlfriends while running the risk of looking a little obsessive ourselves as we Google and Facebook every inch of his life.
When all looks relatively normal and safe, we begin our mission of making him fall for us - dressing in outfits that we think may be a style he fancies, acting as nonchalantly desirable as possible in his company and doing just above everything else short of using a love potion. Or sometimes even that.
This is the part where the plan is most likely to fall apart. We are thrown back to the realm of teenage-hood where the guy is either obvious, too intimated or not bothered enough to pursue with peoms and flowers.
What is it that we should do? Nowadays men of the 'right age', looks and financial bracket are thinner than a cling wrap.
This is when many women of our generation realise that this advanced and equal society comes at a price.
Men see us not as the precious and fragile flower we were once perceived and treated as. We are now their counterparts, their competitors or even their bosses.
Can we blame them for being intimated or even a little afraid?
Source: Xandria Ooi, The Star
Further are my opinions. These can be argued as wrong or agreed.
1. First. It takes a great courage for a guy to say "I love you" to the girl he loves. He could say that because he believes in himself. He therefore, should be considered to be considered.
2. For those who are in relationship, appreciate what you have now. Guys are guys. They can't be thinking like girls. So, it takes a big effort to change them if you wanted to and it is not a one year or two year thing.
3. For those who are now in late 20's and early 30's and still single, open your eyes again. Do not yet draw a square or a circle around you that stops a guy to approach you.
Declare beauty again
When you're 24 and your relationship ends because he's a lot less compatible than you initially thought, your weekends are pretty lonely but you are soon distracted by plans with friends and meeting new people.
When you're over 30 and don't seem to have met a person whom you deem worthy of spending the rest of your life with, you begin to wonder if such a person really exists.
What is the problem, exactly?
There doesn't seem to be a short supply of men. If they are strictly batting for the right team, we comb through his background for any pyschopathictendencies or knife-welding ex-girlfriends while running the risk of looking a little obsessive ourselves as we Google and Facebook every inch of his life.
When all looks relatively normal and safe, we begin our mission of making him fall for us - dressing in outfits that we think may be a style he fancies, acting as nonchalantly desirable as possible in his company and doing just above everything else short of using a love potion. Or sometimes even that.
This is the part where the plan is most likely to fall apart. We are thrown back to the realm of teenage-hood where the guy is either obvious, too intimated or not bothered enough to pursue with peoms and flowers.
What is it that we should do? Nowadays men of the 'right age', looks and financial bracket are thinner than a cling wrap.
This is when many women of our generation realise that this advanced and equal society comes at a price.
Men see us not as the precious and fragile flower we were once perceived and treated as. We are now their counterparts, their competitors or even their bosses.
Can we blame them for being intimated or even a little afraid?
Source: Xandria Ooi, The Star
Further are my opinions. These can be argued as wrong or agreed.
1. First. It takes a great courage for a guy to say "I love you" to the girl he loves. He could say that because he believes in himself. He therefore, should be considered to be considered.
2. For those who are in relationship, appreciate what you have now. Guys are guys. They can't be thinking like girls. So, it takes a big effort to change them if you wanted to and it is not a one year or two year thing.
3. For those who are now in late 20's and early 30's and still single, open your eyes again. Do not yet draw a square or a circle around you that stops a guy to approach you.
Declare beauty again
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
1Malaysia..... Really meh...
Our new Prime Minister, Najib, has come up with a new vision of the governing party and enhance it to the vision of whole nation. Well. It is a necessary path to take to ensure that the governing party stays strong with the support of the nation. Yeap... I am sharing about '1Malaysia'.
The nation is looking forward for everyone to tolerate everyone. And with tolerance, we live in harmony. Doesn't matter that you are a Malay, or a Chinese or an Indian, we all could live in harmony...Bla..bla..bla..
It's either our Prime Minister did not realise his vision properly, or the media dont get what our PM is thinking. But I could see clearly that our media is not on the right track on this vision or I may call it as our government's policy.
First. Each one of us are special and different from others even to a very specific group of people. Another Indian would have a very different practice from me. Infact, another Tamil would have a different believe, family traditions and more.. Once, when I was in CSS'09 camp at Port Dickson, there was a topic on Stereotype. In that topic, all the participants were separated in pairs of different races and to share about our culture, believes, food and many more. Then, the sharing was opened to the floor and one Indian guy, I believe he is a Tamil, shared that Indians are not allowed to find their life partners. Parents arrange them. Well. Definitely my parents are okay with me finding my partner. Infact, both my parents are once lovers. Coming back to the point, differences should not be tolerated but should be accepted. I could firmly say that nobody understands anybody, totally. Stop trying to understand and accept with love.
Second. The media has failed to see that Malaysia is formed with more than three races. All I could see in the advertisements is UMNO, MCA and MIC. And I really dont know why it should be UMNO, MCA and MIC. Why not MCA, MIC and UMNO or MIC, UMNO and MCA?
In West Malaysia itself, we have Baba Nyonya, Portugese, Sikhs, Orang Asli and lots more that I dont know. In East we have Bidayuh, Kadazan, Murud, Melanau, Iban, Dayak and lots more.
Adding to the second point. What about those who are mixed? One positive point of people who are mixed that it is hard to be racist to them. Infact I have tried to a friend of friend of mine, whom I call 'Dude'.
Once, when we are eating at a restaurant with some extra friends, we popped a topic on races. Suddenly, Dude got angry and I was telling him this,
Me: Dude. You are angry because you are a.....mmm......mmm......... What the hell are you?
It is really hard to be racist to a mixed person. Dont ever try it.
To add with the above, I would love to have my children mixed breeds.
Salam 1Malaysia people. And to non-Malaysians, peace be with you.
The nation is looking forward for everyone to tolerate everyone. And with tolerance, we live in harmony. Doesn't matter that you are a Malay, or a Chinese or an Indian, we all could live in harmony...Bla..bla..bla..
It's either our Prime Minister did not realise his vision properly, or the media dont get what our PM is thinking. But I could see clearly that our media is not on the right track on this vision or I may call it as our government's policy.
First. Each one of us are special and different from others even to a very specific group of people. Another Indian would have a very different practice from me. Infact, another Tamil would have a different believe, family traditions and more.. Once, when I was in CSS'09 camp at Port Dickson, there was a topic on Stereotype. In that topic, all the participants were separated in pairs of different races and to share about our culture, believes, food and many more. Then, the sharing was opened to the floor and one Indian guy, I believe he is a Tamil, shared that Indians are not allowed to find their life partners. Parents arrange them. Well. Definitely my parents are okay with me finding my partner. Infact, both my parents are once lovers. Coming back to the point, differences should not be tolerated but should be accepted. I could firmly say that nobody understands anybody, totally. Stop trying to understand and accept with love.
Second. The media has failed to see that Malaysia is formed with more than three races. All I could see in the advertisements is UMNO, MCA and MIC. And I really dont know why it should be UMNO, MCA and MIC. Why not MCA, MIC and UMNO or MIC, UMNO and MCA?
In West Malaysia itself, we have Baba Nyonya, Portugese, Sikhs, Orang Asli and lots more that I dont know. In East we have Bidayuh, Kadazan, Murud, Melanau, Iban, Dayak and lots more.
Adding to the second point. What about those who are mixed? One positive point of people who are mixed that it is hard to be racist to them. Infact I have tried to a friend of friend of mine, whom I call 'Dude'.
Once, when we are eating at a restaurant with some extra friends, we popped a topic on races. Suddenly, Dude got angry and I was telling him this,
Me: Dude. You are angry because you are a.....mmm......mmm......... What the hell are you?
It is really hard to be racist to a mixed person. Dont ever try it.
To add with the above, I would love to have my children mixed breeds.
Salam 1Malaysia people. And to non-Malaysians, peace be with you.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Moon Represents My Heart
You ask me how deep my love is for you,
How much I really love you...
My affection is real.
My love is real.
The moon represents my heart.
You ask me how deep my love is for you,
How much I really love you...
My affection does not waver,
My love will not change.
The moon represents my heart.
Just one soft kiss
is enough to move my heart.
A period of time when our affection was deep,
Until now makes me miss you.
You ask me how deep my love is for you,
How much I really love you
Go and think about it.
Go and have a look,
The moon represents my heart.
How much I really love you...
My affection is real.
My love is real.
The moon represents my heart.
You ask me how deep my love is for you,
How much I really love you...
My affection does not waver,
My love will not change.
The moon represents my heart.
Just one soft kiss
is enough to move my heart.
A period of time when our affection was deep,
Until now makes me miss you.
You ask me how deep my love is for you,
How much I really love you
Go and think about it.
Go and have a look,
The moon represents my heart.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Life is Unfair and Yet It Is Beautiful
Life is not so fair.... Once again life is revealing it's truth.
Comfort is many people's dream. Many of us wanted comfort living. Me too not so different. But again my employee's words always have come to my mind and reminding me why I shouldn't look for comfort for now.
His words are, "Never say that you are comfortable with the current job. You shouldn't be."
And, "Ordinary people, extra-ordinary performance."
He has many more, but these are more suitable for my sharings.
I feel comfortable if I don't work. Better if not waking up early every morning, but discipline mould a person to be a survivor.
I feel comfortable if I just do my job, without being curious and learning new things, but learning leads me to broader pool of knowledge.
I feel comfortable if I never ask questions and make myself look like an idiot, but by asking questions I teach myself more than the person who don't.
I feel comfortable if I reject to take lead on some jobs, but by being a project runner, I sharpen my project handling skill and at the same time I am becoming a trustworthy person to my employees.
I feel comfortable if I never make myself busy serving in church's choir, youth ministry both parish and diocese level, being active in Bahasa Malaysia Apostolate (KUBM), and also allocate some time to visit my friends in Nilai, but I have some knowledge and talents that are worthful if I share them.
I feel comfortable if I never wanted to start a relationship, just being her friend, and stay single since being in relationship with her could be very challenging in many angles, but I love her and challenges occur at any relationship.
When I look at the opposite site of comfort, burdens are waiting there. If I stay at comfort zone, I would be forever an ordinary person. But beyond burdens, comfort is waiting. That comfort is more precious because it is earned. I wanted to earn my comfort and therefore I could happily say that life is unfair and yet it is beautiful.
Declare beauty again
Comfort is many people's dream. Many of us wanted comfort living. Me too not so different. But again my employee's words always have come to my mind and reminding me why I shouldn't look for comfort for now.
His words are, "Never say that you are comfortable with the current job. You shouldn't be."
And, "Ordinary people, extra-ordinary performance."
He has many more, but these are more suitable for my sharings.
I feel comfortable if I don't work. Better if not waking up early every morning, but discipline mould a person to be a survivor.
I feel comfortable if I just do my job, without being curious and learning new things, but learning leads me to broader pool of knowledge.
I feel comfortable if I never ask questions and make myself look like an idiot, but by asking questions I teach myself more than the person who don't.
I feel comfortable if I reject to take lead on some jobs, but by being a project runner, I sharpen my project handling skill and at the same time I am becoming a trustworthy person to my employees.
I feel comfortable if I never make myself busy serving in church's choir, youth ministry both parish and diocese level, being active in Bahasa Malaysia Apostolate (KUBM), and also allocate some time to visit my friends in Nilai, but I have some knowledge and talents that are worthful if I share them.
I feel comfortable if I never wanted to start a relationship, just being her friend, and stay single since being in relationship with her could be very challenging in many angles, but I love her and challenges occur at any relationship.
When I look at the opposite site of comfort, burdens are waiting there. If I stay at comfort zone, I would be forever an ordinary person. But beyond burdens, comfort is waiting. That comfort is more precious because it is earned. I wanted to earn my comfort and therefore I could happily say that life is unfair and yet it is beautiful.
Declare beauty again
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